{"id":113979095,"date":"2023-04-12T12:30:23","date_gmt":"2023-04-12T12:30:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lazyandentitled.org\/?p=113979095"},"modified":"2023-04-12T12:30:23","modified_gmt":"2023-04-12T12:30:23","slug":"in-praise-of-taxes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lazyandentitled.org\/?p=113979095","title":{"rendered":"In Praise Of Taxes"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Turmoil…taxation of trade routes…is in dispute. Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade…the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping…” – George Lucas, ‘The Phantom Menace’<\/h2>

We have so many nice things because of taxes. Parks, schools, public transit. It should be a joyous occasion to pay your taxes. This is the United States, though, so I am in Hell. <\/p>

\"File:Subway<\/figure>

If you\u2019re looking for some useful tips on writers filing taxes, please check out \u2018s post \u201cWrite Off What You Know.\u201d<\/a> If you want a bitchfest with fun pictures, stay right goddamn here. <\/p>

<\/figure>

Let\u2019s start with the most important point: everyone can agree that the US tax filing system sucks. The government already knows what we owe, and should<\/em> just give us a bill. Or a refund. Any of you dorkass losers wanna itemize deductions or whatever, you should be able to do the same way anyone is able to contest a speeding ticket: take time out of your day and do it. Everybody else: pay a bill (or get a refund). <\/p>

\"File:\u201cStrong<\/figure>

Tax filing companies like TurboTax and H&R Block love that our tax filing system sucks, because they make money off of it. Conservatives love that our tax filing system sucks, because they want to destroy civil society but have to say it like \u201cread my lips: no new taxes\u201d or whatever. Centrists love that our tax filing system sucks, because centrists are dorks and the fact that they know how to file their taxes properly is a badge of dork honor. Leftists hate that our tax filing system sucks, but who cares what leftists have to say in this country. <\/p>

\"File:Jellyfish<\/figure>

One of the multiple multiple places that gave me a paycheck last year (because being a writer means endless hustling to just barely make the secondary income in your own home) wants me to set up an entire Intuit account just to view tax forms<\/em>. Tax prep companies shouldn\u2019t have X-clue-zie rights to my reporting forms! Just send me the goddamn form!<\/p>

\"File:Cat<\/figure>

I don\u2019t want to hear any advice either. I don\u2019t want to hear I should\u2019ve started this earlier. I don\u2019t want to hear about how you know a tax person who works with a lot of artists and is really easy and helpful. I\u2019ve heard all of it, and being better about my taxes is on my long list of things to do. I don\u2019t need to hear your shit right now. Do not reach out to me about this column with anything other than a \u201cfuck yeah dude\u201d or if cursing\u2019s not your thing a \u201cwell said dude and also I can tell you\u2019ve been working out\u201d will suffice. <\/p>

\"File:Crocodile<\/figure>

That\u2019s it this week, Jesus. He rose up from the dead 2,023 years and four days ago and I still gotta deal with this tax bullshit, man. Taxes are good! Render unto, y\u2019know, Caesar, man! We should make filing easy and celebrate the rad stuff we use all our seamlessly-processed taxes for! Like libraries! Or the National Aquarium, I was just there and it ruled! While I\u2019m on that, dismantle the military industrial complex and end imperialism! Tax the rich! Medicare For All! Well-made public housing! Housing is a human right! What are you doing? You can\u2019t drag me off, this is my own blog! Hey!<\/p>

\"File:Alligator<\/figure>

Sorry you got an email, <\/p>

Chris<\/p>

Thanks for reading shipwrecked sailor! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.<\/p><\/div>

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