{"id":162657424,"date":"2025-07-23T07:30:00","date_gmt":"2025-07-23T12:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lazyandentitled.org\/?p=162657424"},"modified":"2025-07-23T10:01:57","modified_gmt":"2025-07-23T15:01:57","slug":"ekphrasis-sea-monsters-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lazyandentitled.org\/?p=162657424","title":{"rendered":"Ekphrasis: Sea Monsters Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cTo know the ocean, I have always felt, is to recognize the teeth it keeps half hidden.\u201d – Julia Armfield, ‘Our Wives Under The Sea’<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hey look, it’s the first crop of ekphrasis for the new website! If you’re unfamiliar with this series, basically, I take five pictures and write a one-paragraph response to them. This is two out of three for this summer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Previous Entries: Werewolves<\/a> | Underappreciated Nature<\/a> | Grill Food<\/a> | Lake Fish<\/a> | Guitars<\/a> | Herons<\/a> | Haunted House<\/a> | Ghost<\/a> | Crabs<\/a> | Original<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Quick note up top: back on Substack, alt text would auto populate from Wikimedia Commons. It seems to not do that here. I apologize for not adding alt text previously, I didn’t realize it wasn’t there.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This week, as I said in the title, it’s either my first- or second-favorite type of monster. We’re doing sea monsters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You Are A Guest On The Ocean<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"an
credit: Wikimedia Commons, Johann Christoph Wagner, Augsburg<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Come on, what’re those cannons doing. Nothing. Come on. You can’t stop what’s coming. The ocean is so old, God had claw the waters back for the land to even exist. Who knows what’s down there? Not scientists. They know more about space than what’s down there. You don’t even have to go that far down there, you heard of undertow? You can’t stop what’s coming. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Patrol The Coast<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"a
credit: Wikimedia Commons, Olaus Magnus<\/a><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Either these two guys are just fighting, a good old-fashioned “Beat It” video-style brawl, or one of them is Great Britain’s Mapinguari. If that’s the case, that means Great Britain\u2014who likes to style itself as a lion<\/a>\u2014is even more out-of-touch and full of themselves than previously thought. Cave lions<\/a> haven’t lived in the country for 40,000 years. Yet, they chose that for a mascot instead of the sea monster that was protecting them this whole time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


I Regret To Inform You That The Italian Brainrot Animals Are Tapping Into Something Ancient<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"the
credit: Wikimedia Commons, Ambroise Pare<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Maybe you are unaware of the Italian Brainrot Animals, some AI-generated slop my child has discovered during his 30 minutes of daily YouTube time. Were they not AI, I could see some redeeming qualities, and indeed, must find some redeeming qualities, because I’m not trying to be one of those dads who tells his kid that his drawings and multimedia clay\/tape\/toy\/toothpick\/whatever he can find sculptures are bad. First of all, it’s genuinely not<\/em> bad, the sculptures anyway (the drawings are grade level). He’s super good with clay, and I want to nurture that. Anyway, here are the brainrots, introduced in the catchiest possible song:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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