“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read.” – James Baldwin, interviewed
Second part of that quote’s worth it: “It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive. Only if we face these open wounds in ourselves can we understand them in other people.”
I stand by everything I said last Wednesday. Let’s get to it.
AN INCOMPLETE LIST OF THINGS I DID DURING THE LAST TRUMP ADMIN
obsessively followed the news
drank a lot to cope with the pain of knowing what the world was and my anxiety about what would happen, usually a whole whole lot of Jack Daniel’s
checked Twitter first thing when I got up in the morning and last thing before going to bed
sometimes I drank gin & tonics
went to a few DSA events
started listening to The Daily Zeitgeist because my trust in mainstream media was broken, and it’s nice to get news with a leftist perspective that is rooted in the motto “don’t do nothing about white supremacy” instead of drowning in leftist theory and dirtbag defeatism
sometimes I drank margaritas. I really loved mezcal.
started listening to Behind The Bastards for “know thy enemy” purposes
joined Solipse. Our practices would go hours longer than they needed to because Charles, Smags, and me would rant about politics at each other. It was cathartic. Then we mutually parted ways.
started The Line Break. Love The Line Break. Only more grateful for the way it’s helped Bob and me keep in contact, helped us carve out a place in the poetry community, which is exactly the kind of nourishing and safe-for-people-in-marginalized-groups and mutual care community that is needed in dangerous, uncertain times.
stopped writing. Turns out the cliches about writers and alcoholism don’t actually help writers. Or resisters. Or revolutionaries. Or husbands. Or dads.
stopped reading. Except the news. See previous entry.
brought a child into this world, probably the best one that’s ever been brought into this world.
did I mention the drinking and not writing and obsessive news following, even though there was nothing for me to do with the knowledge of how terrible things were and the going to pieces over speculation about what might happen, because I was a stay-at-home-dad just trying to get from one day to the next
AN INCOMPLETE LIST OF THINGS I’VE DONE SINCE THE LAST TRUMP ADMIN
quit drinking
gotten some sort of writing career going—Cracked and Mental Floss and some poems and stories published and Vine and Weight of An Anchor and this blog is not nothing
began to read more
became a better father and husband
realized that no matter what I thought was going to happen during a first Trump admin and a global pandemic, I’m still here. Being still here means I have a responsibility to my family and friends and community.
AN INCOMPLETE LIST OF THINGS I’M GOING TO DO DURING A SECOND TRUMP ADMIN
look for ways I can help. I’ve already been researching things my son and I can do together, volunteer stuff. I’ve signed up for my Socialist Aldergoon’s mailing list. I’m on the lookout.
continue to dedicate my writing, reading, and podcasting to being antifascist
stay informed without despairing
stay clear-eyed about what we are facing and who the enemy is. It’s not liberals, it’s not leftists, it’s not working people. It’s people for whom cruelty is the point, people who crave the suffering of others, and the rich people who encourage and profit off of suffering.
continue not drinking
continue to raise my child—who is biracial and who will be growing up in a world that is worse than the one I grew up in, a world that rewards greed and narcism and homophobia and racism and ableism—to be a good man
I bring up reading so much because seriously: reading has helped calm the anxiety a bit. I began this year with that People’s History Of The United States–Four Hundred Souls-Indigenous People’s History Of The United States and it really has informed me, a lot, and colored everything I read and experienced this year with a different lens. I truly believe the evil we’re about to see will be wholly new, but not unprecedented for this country. It’s important to know what we’re fighting, and it’s important to know that it can be fought. Get informed, get educated. Then look for ways to help.
Whomever you are reading this, someone needs you. Whatever you do, don’t fall apart.
Sorry you got an email,
Chris