“We are all wounded by racism…None of us, black or white, wants to feel the pain that racism has caused. But when you feel it, you’re awake.” – Toi Derricotte, ‘The Black Notebooks’
Reminder: Lent began on Wednesday. At the urging of Black clergy, you, me, and everyone we know are boycotting Target until Mary and The Other Mary find that Jesus has pushed that rock over. I know my audience. I know most of you went to college, and thus boycotting Target will be difficult. You can do it. Stand strong against the re-segregation movement.
You, reading this, have made it to Friday. Me, writing this? I am slightly in the past. We, collectively, are in the beginnings of spring, aka one of the most confusing times in Chicago, weather-wise. So I hope it’s a nice morning, but who knows, y’know?
What I’ve Been Reading This Week:
A book that took the author 25 years to write, and it’s easy to see why. A book that is one of the most painful and difficult-to-get-through set of pages I’ve ever read, and you know I don’t shy away from shit when I read. A book I am nevertheless glad to have read, a book whose existence I am grateful for. A book, hey cool, that was recommended to me on The Line Break by the homie , during the all-influence starting five portion. I’m talking, of course, about The Black Notebooks by Toi Derricotte.
The Black Notebooks by Toi Derricotte: I picked up this book on Isaac’s recommendation because it is a lyric memoir about the experience of being a white-passing Black person. A bit of honesty: I did think this was going to be poems, literally until I cracked it open. No matter. Isaac’s recommendation made me realize that I don’t think I’ve ever read something by a white-passing Black person, though I do read Black authors with some regularity. My son, of course, is Black, but with nearly my same skin tone (“can enjoy the beach white”), and not that books’ll teach you everything you need to know in this world, but I was ready to do some learning, here.
It might be the subject matter, it might be the stress in my own life right now, but this book is tough. Being a white person, I know how painful it is hear what some white people really think about people of color, what some white people really think is cool to say when “the coast is clear.” The added dimension of having to choose whether or not to reveal she’s Black to these people (always met with either “I’m not racist” defensiveness or presumptuous “what makes you Black” audacity) is brutal. The first section, which I alluded to a week ago, sees Toi and her family trying to fit in to the all-white suburb of Upper Montclair, NJ. Where’s Lil Rel shouting GET OUT when you need him? Another section has Toi at an artists’ retreat, where a painter patronizingly shows her a collection of jazz records, another writer keeps telling her to read “this one New York Times article” because she’ll “really like it” and it’s “about racism.” There’s also the complicating factors of Toi being a recovering victim of pretty violent child abuse, Toi having pretty severe depression (understandable!), and Toi’s marriage collapsing as this book is being written.
I came away from this book feeling awful for its author, wishing that just about everything in the world was completely different. White supremacy is a hell of a demon, and it has reverberations for generations. I do hope my kid reads this book when he’s ready, and I’ll read it with him. Before that day comes, it’d be great if we could make a better world. I’m not holding my breath, though.
LINKS!
Something to listen to while you browse? George Lowe, voice of Space Ghost, passed away this week (you might’ve read Wednesday’s column). Here’s a great obit from Barry Petchesky (bonus link, lucky you). I loved Space Ghost Coast To Coast in middle school and high school. Shoutout to my oldest and dearest Canadian friend who lives in Scotland and is totally real, Devon, for really helping me appreciate Brak’s School Daze. Shoutout to my old Taco Bell coworker, Deon, for singing the Minky Boodle song during closing shifts with me. Shoutout to MF DOOM, for also loving Adult Swim. Please enjoy this fan video for “Space Hos.”
What’s up Vermont! I loved your work last weekend chasing the World’s Softest Boy, Jance “I Hate My Children” Vance, off yr ski resorts. Here’s Patrick Redford at Defector with a great writeup. A pull quote, because Defector is subscription-based (but it rocks hearing stories about Jance Vance being miserable): “Am I supposed to believe that a guy with this questionable level of balance and self-awareness is supposed to be at the vanguard of restoring Western chauvinism?”
Defector has really been on one, but let’s take a couple breathers. Mal recently decided she wanted to watch Twin Peaks: The Return with me. To celebrate, let’s all read the homie Han VanderHart’s poem and essay “‘Virgina Always Seemed Like Night.’ David Lynch” in Slow Orbit.
Gonna roll with another Defector, really enjoyed Barry Petchesky reminding us that there are other people in the world. A pull quote, because Defector is subscription-based (but it’s worth thinking about ways to be unselfish): “Be aware of the space you take up, and the space other people take up, and when those two things might come into conflict! [“We live in a society” voice] We live in a society, a thing that comes with both benefits and responsibilities…Drill it into your children’s heads that they are not the protagonist of reality, that there are other people, and they should be aware of those other people.”
Another poet homie who is a massive David Lynch fan is my good friend and fellow xenomorph, Hannah Cohen. I wanted to link her poem “David Lynch’s Maesta,” but that link’s busted. Instead, check out the excellent “Crush” in Bending Genres.
One last one from Defector—told you they were on one this past week or so—from Lauren Theisen, “Don’t Buy A Gun, Even If It Comes In Rainbow.” When these types of arguments come up, I default to two things: 1) if you bring a gun into your house, you bring gun problems into your house (shoutout to Miles Gray of The Daily Zeitgiest for more concisely saying what my dad always said to me as a kid), and 2) yes it is sometimes necessary for oppressed movements to arm themselves, but the time and money it takes to become a safe and responsible gun user could be better spent elsewhere. Wish I could just pull quote the whole article, but here you go: “The state has historically given far more freedom to gun-users on the right than on the left; having a gun in your home makes you more likely to be shot dead, not less; becoming the kind of person who can safely fire a gun is a massively more difficult task than becoming a gun owner; there are plenty of roles in any anti-fascist resistance movement that don’t require marksmanship. And then there’s this, an argument I ultimately found to be the most compelling because it’s instantly recognizable: The push to purchase guns is just another form of marketing…I’m not even saying trans people need to achieve some high-minded sort of peace with our persecutors. If anyone reading this hopes to disappear my community, know that I in return want you to suffer mentally and physically in proportion to your actions. But the process of retribution and of clawing back our rights won’t come through patronizing the most evil companies in existence.”
What’re you still doing here? Don’t you know that Micah and Brendan have a show?
If you work in the service industry, may you clean up in tips this weekend. In the spirit of reading Toi Derricotte and watching a lot of David Lynch, I am genuinely wishing you inner peace this weekend. Maybe try some meditation, or, if sitting still is hard for you, like it is for my kid and me, try consciously doing something meditative. Cook or clean or go for a walk for 45 minutes and try to clear your head. Notice things around you, but lose yourself in the beauty of the mundanity. I wish you peace.
Sorry you got an email,
Chris