“O saviors of prickly heat! what from / ‘Keats’ you O nut shoe bandboxing surface” – Kenneth Koch, “When The Sun Tries To Go On”
Hey, wanna see what insecurity looks like? It involves a long-running bit where I publicly tell my dear friend and Line Break co-host Bob Sykora every time I go to a public library. Here’s what insecurity looks like:
Some scene-setting: it was summer. We can’t afford childcare, so I’m full-timing with the four-year-old while Mal works her Real Person job. Cracked has asked me to do some five-part column series, probably the most fun I’ve had there and the work I’m most proud of. I did a series on Calvin and Hobbes. A series on NBA history. And a series on Goosebumps. It was a blast. Obviously, in this picture, I’m working on the Goosebumps one. Part of that series was reading 30 Goosebumps books in 30 days (2022 is the 30th anniversary). I’d gone to the library to get Goosebumps books.
Except my insecurity will not let me walk into the library with my obviously-too-young-for-Goosebumps child, shovel a basketful of slim R.L. Stine tomes into my beach-stained hands, and walk out. No. I had to get some literature too. That way, the librarians who are not thinking about me and will continue to not think about me after I leave will know that I am a SERIOUS reader. Anyone who sees me that day will be like, “that 30-something is both in touch with his childlike side and he knows New York School poets. Plus he’s parenting! What a gem of a man that is!” Of course, had I only gotten Goosebumps, those same folks would’ve scoffed: “that weirdo longhair with mustard stains on his pants we don’t think are from the child is reading Goosebumps.” These are real thoughts people would’ve had, says my brain.
Of course, I didn’t read any of Kenneth Koch’s long poems this summer. All 15 of those columns were due within like a month of each other, plus I had a contract for some background work that had me cataloguing a decade plus of archives and writing another ~1,500 words a day and did I mention it was summer and we can’t afford childcare. But, having a generally good opinion of Kenneth Koch and an affinity for long poems, I memory-banked it.
I went back this month to give On The Edge an honest go. And honestly? R.L. Stine taught me more about writing than Kenneth Koch did in 2022.
Researching R.L. Stine’s writing life dazzled me. Here is a dude who loves books, loves spooky shit, and is passionate about getting kids to read. He’s written over 300 goddamn books, he’s joyously working into his 80s, and he’s openly said he puts cliffhangers on chapters to keep kids reading (an underhanded trick I despise in adult books, a really smart thing to do when your audience also has Spongebob to watch). I detailed some of Jovial Bob’s bio and idiosyncrasies here, and even took the writing course he designed for eight-to-14-year-olds.
Jovial Bob Stine really hammered home for me the importance of words on the page. Jovial Bob Stine taught me that books are more fun when they exist and can be read, rather than being ephemeral mind-fragments ghosting over your free time. Jovial Bob Stine taught me the beauty of thinking up a title, letting your mind wander to the weirdest places, and allowing the story to flow freely after that.
What did Kenneth Koch teach me? Long poems are sometimes hard to get into. Long poems are an absolute nightmare when they fit rhyme schemes. And while the New York School is awesome, I keep forgetting there’s only one Frank O’Hara.
I am not saying I take my work with the seriousness of a children’s book author working under Scholastic Book Fair deadlines. But after a decade-plus of not finishing a book, I went hard this year on finishing stuff. Or at least first drafting. My novel in verse is about 85% drafted. My poetry manuscript is about 90% ready. A novel-in-stories Brendan and I are co-writing is about 80% drafted. For that last one, I definitely put Stine’s “think of a title and let the story go” to use a few times, and you know what? It worked.
All of the above is going to get revised and re-worked many times over, of course. Revised and re-worked and hopefully someday worthy of sharing a spot on the library shelves with Kenneth Koch.
It cannot be said enough, though: words on the page are good. Getting out of your head and writing is good. You might look at it a week later and think “well, that’s garbage,” but resist that thinking. Rather, expand it. Say, “well, that’s garbage, but there’s something there. Now I have something to work with.” And if your inspiration comes from a children’s book writer? A YouTube video? Your 400th viewing of X2: X-Men United at 3 a.m.? That’s fine. Don’t be insecure about that.
I’m taking Kenneth Koch’s book back to the library this week, where I hope someone finds its beauty more inspiring than I did. Having read 30 Goosebumps in 30 days, I’m probably not picking Stine up again unless my kid gets really into them. I’m grateful for what both writers have taught me this year.
Sorry you got an email,
Chris